Why did God invent shopping carts? To teach women how to walk on their hind legs.
A woman is a person who, if she says to a man, “Never mind, I’ll do it myself,” and he lets her, and she gets mad, and he says, “Now what are you mad about?” says, “If you don’t know I’m not going to tell you.”
One woman to another at a singles bar: “I’m not as optimistic about relationships as I used to be. These days, when I meet a man, I ask myself, Is this the guy I want my children to spend every other weekend with?”
Shortly after the birth of their second child, her husband offered to take her shopping for a new dress. He endured more than two hours of listening to her complaints about which figure flaw each dress accentuated. As she emerged from the dressing room, having tried on the last selection, she asked for her husband’s […]
What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? Divorced.
Q: Why is a modem better than a woman? A: A modem doesn’t mind if you talk to other modems. A modem doesn’t complain if you sit and play at the computer all night. A modem will sit patiently and wait by the phone. A modem comes with an instruction manual.
Why do women pay more attention to their appearance thanto improving their minds? Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.
A few women were discussing diet tips. When it was mentioned that getting enough exercise and sleep were just as important as watching food intake, one woman responded with surprise that sleep was a factor. Another replied: “Of course sleep is a factor. The only time I’m not eating is when I’m sleeping!”
I haven’t spoken to my wife for 18 months! – I don’t like to interrupt her.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman’s sex drive by up to 90%. – It’s called wedding cake.
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. – Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
