A man was walking on the beach one day and he found a bottle half buried in the sand. He decided to open it. Inside was a genie. The genie said,” I will grant you three wishes and three wishes only.” The man thought about his first wish and decided, “I think I want 1 […]
What are the three fastest means of communication? Internet, telephone, telawoman.
Women are like guns, keep one around long enough and you’re going to want to shoot it.
A fresh-faced lad on the eve of his wedding night asks his mother, “Mom, why are wedding dresses white?”The mother looks at her son and replies, “Son, this shows the town that your bride is pure.”The son thanks his mom, and then seeks his father opinion, “Dad, why are wedding dresses white?”The father looks at […]
Why did God invent shopping carts? To teach women how to walk on their hind legs.
A woman is a person who, if she says to a man, “Never mind, I’ll do it myself,” and he lets her, and she gets mad, and he says, “Now what are you mad about?” says, “If you don’t know I’m not going to tell you.”
One woman to another at a singles bar: “I’m not as optimistic about relationships as I used to be. These days, when I meet a man, I ask myself, Is this the guy I want my children to spend every other weekend with?”
Shortly after the birth of their second child, her husband offered to take her shopping for a new dress. He endured more than two hours of listening to her complaints about which figure flaw each dress accentuated. As she emerged from the dressing room, having tried on the last selection, she asked for her husband’s […]
What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? Divorced.
Q: Why is a modem better than a woman? A: A modem doesn’t mind if you talk to other modems. A modem doesn’t complain if you sit and play at the computer all night. A modem will sit patiently and wait by the phone. A modem comes with an instruction manual.
Why do women pay more attention to their appearance thanto improving their minds? Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.
A few women were discussing diet tips. When it was mentioned that getting enough exercise and sleep were just as important as watching food intake, one woman responded with surprise that sleep was a factor. Another replied: “Of course sleep is a factor. The only time I’m not eating is when I’m sleeping!”
