Customer: Why doesn’t your menu list prices?Waiter: We didn’t want to make you sick before the food does.

Waiter: If you know the food here is so lousy, why do you keep coming back?Customer: It reminds me of my ex-wife’s cooking.

Customer: How come the Board of Health hasn’t come in and closed you up?Waiter: They’re afraid to eat here.

Customer: Why don’t you eat here, waiter?Waiter: Serving it is bad enough, I don’t want to compound the felony.

Waiter: I’m sorry I spilled a glass of water on you.Diner: That’s all right. My suit is too large anyway.

Customer: How long must I wait for that turtle soup I ordered?Waiter: Well, you know how slow turtles are.

Customer: Why don’t you have doggie bags?Waiter: That would be cruelty to animals.

Waiter: I’m sorry to keep you waiting. Your soup will be ready soon.Customer: What bait are you using?

Waiter: These are the best eggs we’ve had for years.Diner: Well, bring me some you haven’t had around for that long.

How many waiters does it take to change a light bulb?None, a burned out bulb can’t catch a waiter’s eye.

Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup!Its OK, Sir, there’s no extra charge!

Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup!Force of habit, sir. Our chef used to be a tailor.