Customer: I thought the meals here were supposed to be like mother used to make.Waiter: They are. She couldn’t cook either.

Diner: Could I have a glass of water?Waiter: To drink?Diner: No, I want to rinse out a few things.

Waiter, waiter! There’s a dead spider in my soup. Yes, ma’am, they can’t stand the boiling water.

Customer: That crust on the apple pie was too tough.Waiter: That wasn’t the crust, that was the pie plate.

Diner: May I please have a glass of water?Waiter: Why, are you thirsty?Diner: No, I want to see if my neck leaks.

Waiter, waiter! There’s a spider in my soup. Send for the manager! It’s no good, sir, he’s frightened of them, too.

Customer: There’s something wrong with my hot dogs.Waiter: Sorry, I’m a waiter, not a veterinarian.

Diner: Waiter, please close the window.Waiter: Why, is there a draft?Diner: Yes, it’s blown my steak off the plate three times.

Waiter, waiter! What’s this creepy crawly thing doing in my dinner?Oh, that one ? he comes here every night.

Customer: This fish isn’t as good as what I ordered here last month.Waiter: That’s funny. It’s from the same fish.

Diner: Waitress, the portions are getting smaller.Waiter: It’s just an optical illusion. It’s just that the restaurant has been enlarged.

Why do waiters prefer elephants to flies? Have you ever heard anyone complaining of a elephant in their soup? .