“Waiter, waiter,there’s a hand in my soup.” “That’s not your soup, sir, that’s your finger bowl.”

Customer: Why does your sign say “Fine Dining”?Waiter: We can dream, can’t we?

Patron: Waiter, why is there a spider in my glass?Waiter: It scares away the flies.

Waiter, waiter! There’s a wasp in my dessert. So that’s where they go to in the winter.

Customer: Why doesn’t this restaurant have any specials?Waiter: Because nothing about this food is special.

Waiter (serving soup): It looks like rain today.Patron: Yes it does, but it smells like soup.

Customer: Do you have bacon and eggs on the menu:Waiter: No, we clean our menus regularly.

Customer: Why doesn’t your menu list prices?Waiter: We didn’t want to make you sick before the food does.

Waiter: If you know the food here is so lousy, why do you keep coming back?Customer: It reminds me of my ex-wife’s cooking.

Customer: How come the Board of Health hasn’t come in and closed you up?Waiter: They’re afraid to eat here.

Customer: Why don’t you eat here, waiter?Waiter: Serving it is bad enough, I don’t want to compound the felony.

Waiter: I’m sorry I spilled a glass of water on you.Diner: That’s all right. My suit is too large anyway.