How does a vampire clean his house? With a victim cleaner.

What does a vampire stand on after taking a shower? A bat mat.

What do you call a vampire junkie? Count Drugula.

What is a vampire’s favorite sport? Batminton.

Why do vampires hate arguments? Because they make themselves cross.

Did you hear about the vampire who died of a broken heart?He had loved in vein.

Did you hear about the vampire who got married? He proposed to his girl-fiend.

Two men were having a drink together. One said, “I’d rather live with a vampire than with my wife.” “Why’s that?” asked the other. “Because she’s always trying to bite my head off,” he replied.

Why did the vampire have pedestrian eyes? They looked both ways before they crossed.

What do you call a vampire after it is one-year-old? A two-year-old vampire.

Why was the vampire thought of as simple-minded?Because he was a complete sucker.

What’s a vampire’s favorite hobby? In-grave-ing.