A German tourist walks into a McDonald’s in New York City and orders a beer. (In Germany and many parts of Europe, McDonald’s actually does serve beer.) The local guy in the line behind him immediately gives him the jab: “They don’t serve BEER here, you MORON!” The German fellow felt pretty stupid, but suddenly […]

This woman is visiting in Israel and notices that her little travel alarm needs a battery. She looks for a watch repair shop and while she doesn’t read Hebrew she finally sees a shop with clocks and watches in the window. She goes in and hands the man her clock. The man says, “Madam, I […]

A businessman was having a tough time lugging his lumpy, oversized travelbag onto the plane. Helped by a flight attendant, he finally managed tostuff it in the overhead bin. “Do you always carry such heavy luggage?” she sighed.”No more,” the man said. “Next time, I’m riding in the bag, and my partner can buy the […]

A tourist is visiting New York City when his car breaks down. He jumps out and starts fiddling under the hood. About five minutes later, he hears some thumping sounds and looks around to see someone taking stuff out of his trunk! He runs around and yells, “Hey, bud, this is my car!” “OK,” the […]

Helpful advice for travellers:If you are going to get on a commercial flight, take a bomb with you.BECAUSE: What are the odds of TWO guys being on the SAME PLANE at the SAME TIME with a bomb?

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, “I’m […]

Steve is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells his doctor thathe’s worried about getting real seasick. The doctor tells him,”Just eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes before you leave the dock.”Steve says, “Will that keep me from getting sick?”The doctor says, “No, but it’ll look real pretty in the water.”

“And will there be anything else, sir?” the bellboy asked after setting out an elaborate dinner for two.”No thank you,” the gentleman replied. “That will be all.”As the young man turned to leave, he noticed a beautiful satin negligee on the bed. “Anything for your wife ?” he asked.”Yeah! That’s a good idea,” the fellow […]

A traveler became lost in the Sahara desert. Realizing his only chance for survival was to find civilization, he began walking. Time passed, and he became thirsty. More time passed, and he began feeling faint. He was on the verge of passing out when he spied a tent about 500 meters in front of him. […]

Three New Zealanders and three Aussies are travelling by train to a cricket match at the World Cup in England. At the station, the three Aussies each buy a ticket and watch as the three New Zealanders buy just one ticket between them. “How are the three of you going to travel on only one […]

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audiencewould bedifferent each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the sametricks over and overagain. There was only one problem: The captain’s parrot saw the showseach week andbegan to understand how the magician did every trick. Once heunderstood he startedshouting in the […]

A group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the women in the group was a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining. The bus seats are uncomfortable.The food is terrible. It’s too hot. It’s too cold. The accommodations are awful.The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone. “Good luck will be followin’ ya all […]