Tourist: What’s the speed limit in this hick town?Native: We don’t have one. You strangers can’t get out of here fast enough for us.

Police Officer: Why did you lead me on a five-state chase?Driver: I love to travel.

Guest: Why did you offer me a piece of candy?Hotel Clerk: You said you wanted the best suite in the hotel.

Q: How many tourists does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: Six: One to hold the bulb and five to ask for directions.

A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.”Not very long,” answered the Mexican.”But then, why didn’t you stay out longer and catch more?” asked the tourist.The Mexican explained that his small catch […]

An American tourist travelling in Limerick came across a little antique shop in which he was lucky enough to pick up, for a mere $150, the skull of Saint Patrick. Included in the price was a certificate of the skull’s authenticity, signed by Saint Patrick himself.Ten years later the tourist returned to Ireland and asked […]

There was a little old lady from a small town in America who had to go to Texas. She was amazed at the size of her hotel and her suite. She went into the huge cafe and said to the waitress, who took her order for a cup of coffee, that she had never before […]

Teacher: I’d like a room, please. Hotel Receptionist: Single, Sir? Teacher: Yes, but I am engaged.

A huge American car screeched to a halt in a sleepy English village, and the driver called out to a local inhabitant, “Say, am I on the right road for Shakespeare’s birthplace?” “Ay, straight on, sir,” said the rustic, “but no need to hurry. He’s dead.”

What did the teacher say after spending thousands in the expensive hotel? I’m sorry to leave, now that I’ve almost bought the place.

On her annual visit to another planet, an old lady turns to the cabin steward and says. “I hope this spaceship doesn’t travel faster than sound. “Why?” replies the cabin steward. “Because my friend and I want to talk, that’s why.”

The transatlantic liner was experiencing particularly heavy weather, and Mrs Jones wasn’t feeling well. “Would you care for some more supper, ma’am?” asked the steward. “No, thanks,” replied the wretched passenger. “Just throw it overboard to save me the trouble.”