Hello, police? Please send an officer over to 324 London Road right away! Sorry, this isn’t the police station. It’s the Delicatessen. Oh. Well, in that case, please send over a pastrami sandwich!

What do you get if you cross a phone with a rooster? A wake-up call!

What animals talk on the telephone the most? The yakety-yaks!

Caller: My goodness, Operator! Your nose is so stuffed up, I can’t understand you. You should really take something for that cold. Operator: Good idea. I’ll take the rest of the day off!

What do you get if you cross a telephone with a fat football player? A wide receiver.

What do you get if you cross a telephone with a night crawler? Ringworm!

How do scaredy-cats answer the phone? Yellow?

How do, like, really laid-back types answer the phone? Mellow.

Why did the chicken walk on the telephone wire? She wanted to lay it on the line!

How is a telephone like a dirty bathtub? They both have rings!

What did the answering machine say to the telephone? Take my word for it.

What do you get when you cross a telephone with a pair of pants? Bell-bottoms!