Caller: Operator! Operator! I don’t know what’s wrong with my phone, but I can’t make long distance calls any longer! Operator: Don’t worry. Your long distance calls are long enough already!

How can you tell if someone who’s having a temper tantrum is on the phone? You get a tizzy signal!

Hello, police? Please send an officer over to 324 London Road right away! Sorry, this isn’t the police station. It’s the Delicatessen. Oh. Well, in that case, please send over a pastrami sandwich!

What do you get if you cross a phone with a rooster? A wake-up call!

What animals talk on the telephone the most? The yakety-yaks!

Caller: My goodness, Operator! Your nose is so stuffed up, I can’t understand you. You should really take something for that cold. Operator: Good idea. I’ll take the rest of the day off!

What do you get if you cross a telephone with a fat football player? A wide receiver.

What do you get if you cross a telephone with a night crawler? Ringworm!

How do scaredy-cats answer the phone? Yellow?

How do, like, really laid-back types answer the phone? Mellow.

Why did the chicken walk on the telephone wire? She wanted to lay it on the line!

When doesn’t a telephone work underwater? When it’s wringing wet!