Where do spiders play their FA Cup final?Webley stadium!

When fish play football, who is the captain?The team’s kipper!

Ref: I’m sending you off Player: What for?Ref: The rest of the match!

Why is it that birds are quickly sold when they come up on the transfer market?They tend to go cheep!

What is a goal keepers favourite snack?Beans on post!

How do you stop squirrels playing football in the garden?Hide the ball, it drives them nuts!

What’s tennis players favourite city?Volley wood!

How does a physicist exercise?By pumping ion!

What did the bumble bee striker say?Hive scored!

What is black and white and black and white and black and white?A Newcastle fan rolling down a hill!

What did they call Dracula when he won the league?The champire!

What are Brazilian fans called?Brazil nuts!