If you have a referee in football, what do you have in bowls?Cornflakes!

Why aren’t football stadiums built in outer space?Because there is no atmosphere!

Where do spiders play their FA Cup final?Webley stadium!

When fish play football, who is the captain?The team’s kipper!

Ref: I’m sending you off Player: What for?Ref: The rest of the match!

Why is it that birds are quickly sold when they come up on the transfer market?They tend to go cheep!

What is a goal keepers favourite snack?Beans on post!

How do you stop squirrels playing football in the garden?Hide the ball, it drives them nuts!

Did you hear about the football team who ate too much pudding?They got jellygated!

Which insect didn’t play well in goal?The fumble bee!

What did the bumble bee striker say?Hive scored!

What is black and white and black and white and black and white?A Newcastle fan rolling down a hill!