School Principal: I’ve called you into my office, Peter, because I want to talk to you about two words I wish you wouldn’t use so often. One is “great” and the other is “lousy.” Peter: Certainly, sir. What are they?

‘I’m not going to school today,’ Alexander said to his mother. ‘The teachers bully me and the boys in my class don’t like me.’ ‘Why ?”Firstly, you’re 35 years old. Secondly, you’re the principal.’

Boy to Friend: I’m sorry, I won’t be able to go out after school. I promised Dad that I would stay in and help him with my homework.

‘Ann!’ the teacher shouted one day at the girl who had been daydreaming out the window. ‘If India has the world’s second largest population, oranges are 50 cents for six and it costs $3 for a day return to Austin, how old am I ?’Thirty two!”Why did you say that ?”Well, my brother’s sixteen and […]

How many students does it take to change a light bulb?None. Light bulb changing isn’t in the course notes.

A mom and dad were worried about their son not wanting to learn math at the school he was in, so they decided to send him to a Catholic school. After the first day of school, their son comes racing into the house, goes straight into his room and slams the door shut. Mom and […]

The parents were very disappointed in the grades that their son brought home. “The only consolation I can find in these awful grades,” lamented the father, “is that I know he never cheated during his exams.”

“Dad, can you write in the dark?””I think so. What is it you want me to write?””Your name on this report card.”

A little girl came home from school and said to her mother, “Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn’t do.”The mother exclaimed, “But that’s terrible! I’m going to have a talk with your teacher about this … by the way, what was it that you didn’t do?”The little girl replied, […]

A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic to one little boy. So she said, “if you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?””Somebody else’s pants.”

Teacher: “Sam, what is the outside of a tree called?”Sam: “I don’t know.”Teacher: “Bark, Sam, bark.”Sam: “Bow, wow, wow!”

The teacher came up with a good problem. “Suppose,” she asked the second-graders, “there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?””None,” answered little Norman.”None? Norman, you don’t know your arithmetic.””Teacher, you don’t know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!”