Teacher : Why are you the only child in the classroom today ?Pupil : Because I was the only one who didn’t have school dinners yesterday !

The teacher was giving her pupils a quiz on counting. Jackie got things started by counting from 1 to 10. “Now, Fred,” said the teacher, “you take over, beginning with 11.””11, 14, 23, 42, 26,” said Fred.”What kind of counting is that’?” asked the teacher”Who’s counting’?” replied Fred. “I’m calling signals.”

Teacher : Tommy, put some more water in the fish tank !Pupil : Why, Miss, I only put some in yesterday and he hasn’t drunk that yet !

Teacher : Were you copying his sums ?Pupil : No Sir, just seeing if he got mine right !

Teacher : What are you reading ?Pupil : I dunno !Teacher : But you’re reading aloud !Pupil : But I’m not listening !

Teacher : What’s happens to gold when it is exposed to the air ?Pupil : It’s stolen !

Teacher : Make up a sentence using the word lettuce !Pupil : Let us out of school early !

Teacher : Billy, please don’t whistle while studying.Billy : Oh, but I’m not studying – just whistling !

Teacher : Give me a sentence with the words defence, defeat and detail in it.Pupil : When a horse jumps over defence, defeat go before detail !

Teacher : If you had five apples on your desk and the boy next to you took three what would you have ?Pupil : A fight !

Teacher : What is a comet ?Pupil : A star with a tailTeacher: Can you name one ?Pupil: Lassie !

Teacher : The word politics – can you give me an example of how to use it ?Pupil : My parrot swallowed a watch and now Polly ticks !