A little girl came home from school and said to her mother, “Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn’t do.”The mother exclaimed, “But that’s terrible! I’m going to have a talk with your teacher about this … by the way, what was it that you didn’t do?”The little girl replied, […]

A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic to one little boy. So she said, “if you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?””Somebody else’s pants.”

Teacher: “Sam, what is the outside of a tree called?”Sam: “I don’t know.”Teacher: “Bark, Sam, bark.”Sam: “Bow, wow, wow!”

The teacher came up with a good problem. “Suppose,” she asked the second-graders, “there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?””None,” answered little Norman.”None? Norman, you don’t know your arithmetic.””Teacher, you don’t know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!”

The teacher is droning away in the classroom when he notices a student sleeping way up in the back row. The teacher shouts to the sleeping student’s neighbor, “Hey wake that student up!”The neighbor yells back, “You put him to sleep, you wake him up!”

Teacher: Johnny, you know you can’t sleep in my class.Johnny: I know. But maybe if you were just a little quieter, I could.

“If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up” said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.”Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?” enquired the teacher with a sneer.”Well, actually I don’t,” said the student, “but I hate to see you standing […]

“Isn’t the principal a dummy!” said a boy to a girl.”Say, do you know who I am?” asked the girl.”No.””I’m the principal’s daughter.””And do you know who I am?” asked the boy.”No,” she replied.”Thank goodness!”

One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask, “Why do we have to learn this pointless information””To save lives.” the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. “So how does physics save lives?” he persisted.”It keeps the […]

A student called up his Mom one evening from his college and asked her for some money, because he was broke.His Mother said, “Sure, sweetie. I will send you some money. You also left your economics book here when you visited two weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?””Uhh, oh yeah, […]

Introductory Chemistry was taught at Duke University for many years by professor Bonk. One year, two guys took the class and did pretty well on all the quizzes and mid-terms–so much so that going into the final, they each had a solid A. These two friends were so confident going into the final that the […]

A student comes to a young professor’s office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.”I would do anything to pass this exam.” She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. “I mean…” she whispers, “…I would do…anything.” He returns her gaze. “Anything?” “Anything.” His voice […]