The parents were very disappointed in the grades that their son brought home. “The only consolation I can find in these awful grades,” lamented the father, “is that I know he never cheated during his exams.”

“Dad, can you write in the dark?””I think so. What is it you want me to write?””Your name on this report card.”

A little girl came home from school and said to her mother, “Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn’t do.”The mother exclaimed, “But that’s terrible! I’m going to have a talk with your teacher about this … by the way, what was it that you didn’t do?”The little girl replied, […]

A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic to one little boy. So she said, “if you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?””Somebody else’s pants.”

Teacher: “Sam, what is the outside of a tree called?”Sam: “I don’t know.”Teacher: “Bark, Sam, bark.”Sam: “Bow, wow, wow!”

The teacher came up with a good problem. “Suppose,” she asked the second-graders, “there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?””None,” answered little Norman.”None? Norman, you don’t know your arithmetic.””Teacher, you don’t know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!”

The teacher is droning away in the classroom when he notices a student sleeping way up in the back row. The teacher shouts to the sleeping student’s neighbor, “Hey wake that student up!”The neighbor yells back, “You put him to sleep, you wake him up!”

Teacher: Johnny, you know you can’t sleep in my class.Johnny: I know. But maybe if you were just a little quieter, I could.

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. “In English,” he said, “A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.”A voice from the back of the room […]

A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his […]

One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask, “Why do we have to learn this pointless information””To save lives.” the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. “So how does physics save lives?” he persisted.”It keeps the […]

A student called up his Mom one evening from his college and asked her for some money, because he was broke.His Mother said, “Sure, sweetie. I will send you some money. You also left your economics book here when you visited two weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?””Uhh, oh yeah, […]