A man walks into a Chinese restaurant but is told by theMaitre’d that there will be at least a twenty minute wait.”Would you like to wait in the bar, Sir?”, he says.The man goes into the bar and the bartender says, “What’ll it be?”The man replies, “Give me a Stoli with a twist.”The bartender pauses […]

Why was the restaurant called “Out of this World”? Because it was full of Unidentified Frying Objects.

Jane’s father decided to take all the family out to a restaurant for a meal. As he’d spent quite a lot of money for the meal he said to the waiter, “Could I have a bag to take the leftovers home for the dog?” “Gosh!” exclaimed Jane, “Are we getting a dog?” […]

Customer to friend: This is a wonderful restaurant. I ordered salad and I got the freshest salad in the world, I ordered coffee, and I got the freshest coffee in the world.Friend: I know – I ordered a small steak and got a calf.

At our local restaurant you can eat dirt cheap – but who wants to eat dirt?

“Can I have some two-handed cheese, please?” a man in a restaurant asked the waiter. “What do you mean, ‘two-handed cheese’?’ asked the waiter. “You know, the kind you eat with one hand and hold your nose with the other.”

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, “Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn’t pay for your sandwich!”The panda yells back […]

Three couples are dining together.The American husband says to his wife: “Pass me the honey, Honey”.The English husband says to his wife: “Pass me the sugar, Sugar”.The [you name it] husband says to his wife: “Pass me the steak, Dumb cow”.

Two men were in a restaurant and ordered fish. The waiter brought a dish with two fish, one larger than the other. One of the men said to the other, “Please help yourself.” The other one said “Okay”, and helped himself to the larger fish. After a tense silence, the first one said, “really, now, […]

“What flavors of ice cream do you have?” inquired the customer.”Vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate,” answered the new waitress in a hoarse whisper.Trying to be sympathetic, the customer asked, “Do you have laryngitis?” “No….” replied the new waitress with some effort, “just…erm…. vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate.”

Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? Great food but no atmosphere.