A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. “Mommy,” she said. “Can we leave now?” “No,” her mother replied. “Well, I think I have to throw up!” “Then go out the front door and to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush.” […]
The church was conducting its annual fund drive. One member of the congregation said, “I give ten dollars.” Just then, a piece of plaster fell from the ceiling and landed on his head. He spoke up again quickly. “I give a thousand dollars!”The minister said, “Lord, hit him again!”
A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, “If I had all the beer in the world, I’dtake it and throw it into the river.”With even greater emphasis he said, “And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.”And then finally, […]
And Jesus said unto his disciples, “Whom do men say that I am?”And His disciples answered unto Him, “Master, thou art the supreme eschatological manifestation of omnipotent ecclesiastical authority, the absolute, divine, sacerdotal monarch.”And Jesus said, “What?”
Two nuns were driving alone out in the boonies. They ran out of gas. Fortunately they could walk to a gas station not far away, where they asked to purchase a can of gasoline. “I’m sorry, sister,” said the attendant, “but all I have for you to carry it in is an old chamberpot. The […]
Q. How can you tell if someone is half Catholic and half Jewish?A. When he goes to confession, he takes a lawyer with him.
A Jesuit, a Dominican and a Franciscan were walking along an old road, debating the greatness of their orders. Suddenly, an apparition of the Holy Family appeared in front of them, with Jesus in a manger and Mary and Joseph praying over him. The Franciscan fell on his face, over come with awe at the […]
Mr. Smith was brought to Mercy Hospital (a Catholic hospital),and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation wentwell and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he wasreassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed.”Mr. Smith, you’re going to be just fine,” said the nun, gentlypatting his hand. “We do need […]
Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist?A: He sold his soul to Santa.
Q: What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?A: It only takes one nail to hang the picture.
Several years ago, the Catholic Church required women to wear a headcovering in order to enter the sanctuary. One Sunday a lady arrivedwithout her head covering. The priest informs her that she cannot enter without it. A few moments later, the lady re-appears wearing her blouse tied toher head. The shocked priest says, “Madam, I […]
Jesus and Moses are sitting in a boat fishing and Jesus says to Moses “I want to do a miracle so we can feel like the good old days.” and Moses says “Yeah sure.” So Jesus gets up and says “I think I’ll walk on the water, that was always a good one.” So Jesus […]
