Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first one said, “I hear sirens. Jump!”The second one said, “But we’re on the 13th floor!”The first one screamed back, “This is no time to be superstitious.”
A client of a hospital where they made brain transplantations asked about the prices.The doctor said, “Well, this Ph.D. brain costs $10,000. This brain belonged to a NASA top scientist and costs $15,000. Here we have a policeman’s brain as well. It costs $50,000.”The client asked, “What? How’s that possible?”The doctor replied, “You see, it’s […]
A man was speeding down a Alabama highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when […]
A squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the sticks when he was amazed to find a former lieutenant on the police force covering the beat.He stopped the car and asked, “Why, Irish Mike, this wouldn’t be your new beat out here in the sticks, would it?””That it is, “Irish Mike replied […]
A cop stops a man for running a stop sign and the subject gives the cop a lot of grief explaining that he did stop.After several minutes, the cop explained to the gentleman that he didn’t stop, he just slowed down a little.The gentleman said ‘Stop or slow down, what’s the difference?’.The cop pulled the […]
Little Tommy’s kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station. There they saw pictures tacked to a big bulletin board. The label clearly read, “The 10 Most Wanted.”One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.”Yes,” said the policeman, “the […]
The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout […]
A lady was filling her tank at a gas station, smoking a cigarette, even though all the signs say not to. The fumes that came out of the gas tank ignited, severely burning her hands.But it also lit up her arm, too!Instead of rolling on the ground to put it out, she panicked. She took […]
Late one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening.”Aye, so I have. ‘Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. […]
A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes.He goes up to the guy’s window and says, “Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube.”The man says, “Sorry officer I can’t do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I’ll have a really […]
A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.”You’ll get your chance in court.” said the Desk Sergeant.”No, no no!” said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying to do […]
Traffic was backed up for miles, the police were going car to car. When they got to my car I asked the officer what was going on.He said “It’s Al Gore. He’s up there threatening to set himself on fire! We are going car to car collecting donations.””Donations!” I said, “How much you got so […]
