The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout […]

A lady was filling her tank at a gas station, smoking a cigarette, even though all the signs say not to. The fumes that came out of the gas tank ignited, severely burning her hands.But it also lit up her arm, too!Instead of rolling on the ground to put it out, she panicked. She took […]

Late one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening.”Aye, so I have. ‘Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. […]

A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes.He goes up to the guy’s window and says, “Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube.”The man says, “Sorry officer I can’t do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I’ll have a really […]

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.”You’ll get your chance in court.” said the Desk Sergeant.”No, no no!” said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying to do […]

Traffic was backed up for miles, the police were going car to car. When they got to my car I asked the officer what was going on.He said “It’s Al Gore. He’s up there threatening to set himself on fire! We are going car to car collecting donations.””Donations!” I said, “How much you got so […]

“When I saw you driving down the road, I guessed 55 at least.””You’re wrong, officer, it’s only my hat that makes me look that old.”

A tourist asks a man in uniform, “Are you a policeman?””No, I am an undercover detective.””So why are you in uniform?””Today is my day off.”

A cop pulls a car over on the highway for speeding. When he asks for the driver’s license, the driver argued, “Speeding??? But officer, I was only trying to keep a safe distance between my car the the car in back of me.”

Warning to shoplifters: Anyone caught shoplifting will be beaten, gagged, whipped and tortured. Any survivors will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

A man was caught for speeding and went before the judge.The judge said, “What will you take….30 days or $30.”The man replied, “I think I’ll take the money.”

Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first one said, “I hear sirens. Jump!”The second one said, “But we’re on the 13th floor!”The first one screamed back, “This is no time to be superstitious.”