Police officer: And what do you think you are doing on this road, Dracula? Dracula: Looking for the main artery, officer.
What did the police officer say to his stomach? I’ve got you under a vest.
A seargent is interviewing three cadets who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first cadet a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?” The first cadet answers, “That’s easy, we’ll catch him fast because he […]
A policeman stops a car and suggests an apparently drunken fellow to take a breath test. He blows, the thing shows: positive. He protests, cries he is a teetotaler and that the instrument isn’t working properly. He says his wife is also a teetotaler. She blows- again positive. Then he gives it to their little […]
Dispatcher: Nine-one-oneCaller: Hi, is this the police?Dispatcher: This is 911. Do you need police assistance?Caller: Well, I don’t know who to call. Can you tell me how tocook a turkey? I’ve never cooked one before.
The sheriff of a small town was also the town’s veterinarian. One night the phone rang, and his wife answered. An agitated voice inquired, “Is your husband there?” “Do you require his services as a sheriff or as a vet?” the wife asked. “Both!” was the reply. “We can’t get our dog’s mouth open, and […]
A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn’t getting many. Then he discovered the problem-a 10-year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign which read “RADAR TRAP AHEAD.” The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading “TIPS” and a bucket […]
As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbedher purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman wasable to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in thecar and drove back to the store. The thief was then […]
One evening this Columbia Yuppie was stopped for allegedly drunken driving and was given a breath test by the Howard County Police.”Well ?” he asked somewhat belligerently as the Desk Sergeant slowly read the print out and entered the information in the arrest record.”Disappointing to say the least,” the Sergeant replied. “Chateau Duvalier… 1962… rather […]
A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning. Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed. Just then, his wife sleepily […]
A police officer stopped a young man for speeding. He stepped out of his patrol car, adjusted his sunglasses, and swaggered up to the young man’s window. “What chew driving so fast for boy? You going to a fahhr? Let me see your license, boy.” The young man handed over his license. Then the officer […]
A police man was on duty one night and he headed up to “Make outMountain” to try to catch some couples in the act.When he got up there he stopped at the first car where a couple sat, and was surprised to see the man was reading and the girl next to himwas knitting.He tapped […]
