A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.”You’ll get your chance in court.” said the Desk Sergeant.”No, no no!” said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying to do […]

Traffic was backed up for miles, the police were going car to car. When they got to my car I asked the officer what was going on.He said “It’s Al Gore. He’s up there threatening to set himself on fire! We are going car to car collecting donations.””Donations!” I said, “How much you got so […]

“When I saw you driving down the road, I guessed 55 at least.””You’re wrong, officer, it’s only my hat that makes me look that old.”

A tourist asks a man in uniform, “Are you a policeman?””No, I am an undercover detective.””So why are you in uniform?””Today is my day off.”

A cop pulls a car over on the highway for speeding. When he asks for the driver’s license, the driver argued, “Speeding??? But officer, I was only trying to keep a safe distance between my car the the car in back of me.”

A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store. “Listen,” said the shoplifter, “I know you don’t want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch and we forget about this?” The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the […]

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer – who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job.”Okay,” the sheriff drawled, “Gomer, what is 1 and 1?””11” he replied.The sheriff thought to himself, “That’s not what I meant, but he’s right.””What two days of […]

Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud.The passenger, Bubba, said “Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it’s a police roadblock!! We’re gonna get busted fer drinkin’ these here beers!!””Don’t worry, Bubba,” Earl said. “We’ll just pull over and finish drinkin’ these beers then peel off the […]

A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie’s house, and grandpa Morris gets out.The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park…and couldn’t find his way home. ” Oy Morris “, said grandma, ” You’ve been going to that park for over 30 years ! So […]

Juggler, driving to his next performance, was stopped by the police. “What are those knives doing in your car?” asked the officer. “I juggle them in my act.” “Oh yeah?” says the cop. “Let’s see you do it.” So the juggler starts tossing and juggling the knives. A guy driving by sees this and says, […]

A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says “Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses.”The woman answered “Well, I have contacts.”The policeman replied “I don’t care who you know! You’re getting a ticket!”

A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he’s topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can’t escape and finally pulls over.The cop approaches the car and says, “It’s been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give me […]