A squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the sticks when he was amazed to find a former lieutenant on the police force covering the beat.He stopped the car and asked, “Why, Irish Mike, this wouldn’t be your new beat out here in the sticks, would it?””That it is, “Irish Mike replied […]

A cop stops a man for running a stop sign and the subject gives the cop a lot of grief explaining that he did stop.After several minutes, the cop explained to the gentleman that he didn’t stop, he just slowed down a little.The gentleman said ‘Stop or slow down, what’s the difference?’.The cop pulled the […]

Little Tommy’s kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station. There they saw pictures tacked to a big bulletin board. The label clearly read, “The 10 Most Wanted.”One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.”Yes,” said the policeman, “the […]

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout […]

A lady was filling her tank at a gas station, smoking a cigarette, even though all the signs say not to. The fumes that came out of the gas tank ignited, severely burning her hands.But it also lit up her arm, too!Instead of rolling on the ground to put it out, she panicked. She took […]

A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store. “Listen,” said the shoplifter, “I know you don’t want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch and we forget about this?” The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the […]

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer – who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job.”Okay,” the sheriff drawled, “Gomer, what is 1 and 1?””11” he replied.The sheriff thought to himself, “That’s not what I meant, but he’s right.””What two days of […]

Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud.The passenger, Bubba, said “Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it’s a police roadblock!! We’re gonna get busted fer drinkin’ these here beers!!””Don’t worry, Bubba,” Earl said. “We’ll just pull over and finish drinkin’ these beers then peel off the […]

A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie’s house, and grandpa Morris gets out.The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park…and couldn’t find his way home. ” Oy Morris “, said grandma, ” You’ve been going to that park for over 30 years ! So […]

Juggler, driving to his next performance, was stopped by the police. “What are those knives doing in your car?” asked the officer. “I juggle them in my act.” “Oh yeah?” says the cop. “Let’s see you do it.” So the juggler starts tossing and juggling the knives. A guy driving by sees this and says, […]

A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says “Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses.”The woman answered “Well, I have contacts.”The policeman replied “I don’t care who you know! You’re getting a ticket!”

A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he’s topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can’t escape and finally pulls over.The cop approaches the car and says, “It’s been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give me […]