Son: What is an autobiography? Father: Er, the story of an automobile.

Talbot and his son James were called to Mrs. Cren-shaw’s classroom. “Mr. Talbot,” said the teacher, “I asked James ‘Who shot Abraham Lincoln?’ and he said that he didn’t do it!” “Well, teacher,” said Talbot, “if my kid said he didn’t do it he didn’t do it!” Father and son left the school, and on […]

Young Bobby was being fitted for glasses, and his father, standing beside him, said, “Now, remember, son. Don’t wear them when you’re not looking at anything.”

“Papa, who was Hamlet?” “You birdbrain! Bring me the Bible and I’ll show you who he was.”

“Dad, do you believe in Buddha?” “Why, of course, but I think margarine is just as good.”

“Dad, why do you write so slow?” asked Dennis. “I have to,” replied his father. “I’m a slow reader.”

Son: Where are the Himalayas? Father: If you’d put things away, you’d know where to find them.

“Can I go outside and watch the solar eclipse?” asked Rupert. “Okay,” replied his father, “but don’t stand too close.”

Father: Don’t you think our son gets his brains from me? Mother: Probably, dear. I still have all of mine.

When Ben hit his thumb with a hammer he let out a few choice words. Shocked by her son’s outburst, his mother said, “Don’t you dare use that kind of language in here.” “William Shakespeare did,” replied Ben. “Well, you’d better stop going around with him,” said Mom.

NEWS ITEM. Kidnappers grabbed a little boy and two days later sent him home with a ransom note. His parents immediately sent the kid back with the money.

Tad looked up from the book on ancient history he was reading and asked his father, “Pop, what’s a millennium?” “Well,” he muttered, “I think it’s something like a centennial, only it has more legs!”