Father: Son at your age, Winston Churchill used be up and out for his morning walk at 5 a.m.. Son: Dad, at your age, he had become the Prime Minister of England.

Pride is what you feel when your kids net $143 from a garage sale. Panic is what you feel when you realize your car is missing.

Father: ” I know the answer to your bad grades. You’re spending too much time watching television.” Son: ” I’m sorry, you’ll have to phrase that in the form of a question.”

A mother of two teenage boys, was constantly being asked to look for things they couldn’t find. Most of the time these items were directly in front of them. Seeing her frustration over this when it happened yet again, one of her sons remarked: “It’s not my fault, Mom. I don’t have ‘parental vision:”

Girl: Mom, mom a monster’s just bitten my foot off. Mom: Well, keep out of the kitchen, I’ve just washed the floor.

Boy: Dad, Dad, come out. My sister’s fighting this ten foot gargoyle with three heads.Dad: No, I’m not coming out. She’s going to have to learn to look after herself.

Father: I want to take my girl our of this terrible math class.Teacher: But she’s top of the class.Father: That’s why I think it must be a terrible class.

What do you call a small parent?A minimum !

Teddy came thundering down the stairs, much to his father’s annoyance.’Teddy,’ he called, ‘how many more times have I got to tell you to come down the stairs quietly? Now, go back up and come down like a civilised human being.’There was a silence, and Teddy reappeared in the front room.’That’s better,’ said his father. […]

Come here, you greedy wretch. I’ll teach you to eat all your sister’s birthday chocs.It’s all right Dad, I know how !

Old-fashioned Zachary approached Lureen’s father, intent upon asking him for her hand in marriage. “Sir,” he blurted out, “I have an attachment for your daughter, and ” “See here, young man,” interrupted the parent, “when my daughter needs accessories, I’ll buy them myself.”

Mrs. Ellis came home from work one evening to find her three-year-old son lighting up a cigar. She raced into the kitchen where her husband was making dinner. “Hey!” she announced. “This is terrible! I just caught Matthew lighting a cigar!” “You put a stop to that right now,” he shouted. “That kid is altogether […]