How can you tell an old person from a young person? An old person can sing and brush their teeth at the same time.
An American tourist found himself in a sleepy country village, and asked one of the locals the age of the oldest inhabitant. “Well, sir,” replied the villager, “we ain’t got one now. He died last week.”
Fred: I haven’t slept a wink for the past two nights. Harry: Why’s that? Fred: Granny broke her leg. The doctor put it in plaster and told her she shouldn’t walk upstairs. You should hear the row when she climbs up the drainpipe.
Grandpa: You youngsters are soft and lazy today. When I was your age I got up at six o’clock every morning and walked five or six miles before breakfast. I used to think nothing of it. Fred: I don’t blame you, Grandpa. I wouldn’t think,much of it myself.
Perhaps you know why women over fifty don’t have babies.They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.
Two 80 year old men are driving down the road when they hear the Ex-Lax commercial end with the statement: “It makes you feel young again.” John looks at Sylvester and says, “We need to pull over and get a bottle of that stuff!” Sylvester agrees and the two old men pull over and get […]
A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash […]
Worried because they hadn’t heard anything for days from the widow in the neighboring apartment, Mrs. Silver said to her son, “Timmy, would you go next door and see how old Mrs. Kirkland is?”A few minutes later, Timmy returned.”Well,” asked Mrs. Silver, “is she all right?””She’s fine, except that she’s angrywith you.””With me?” the woman […]
“What’s wrong, sonny?” asked the old timer sympathetically, coming overto the little kid who was sitting on the curb, crying his heart out.”I’m crying ’cause I can’t do what the big boys do!” So the old man sat down and wept too.
How do you get four old ladies to say the F word?Have the fifth one say…. BINGO!
A little old lady walked into the bank, cashed a small check, and started out. Passing the armed guard, she smiled and said, “You can go home now.”
