A violist comes home late at night to discover fire trucks, police cars, and a smoking crater where his house used to be.The chief of police comes over to him and tells him, “While you were out, the conductor came to your house, killed your family, and burned the house down.”The violist replied, “You’re kidding! […]
Q: How can you tell if a violin is out of tune?A: The bow is moving.
Q: How do you make a violin sound like a viola?A: Sit in the back and don’t play.
Q: When a 16-inch viola and a 17-inch viola are dropped simultaneously from a 30-story building, which one hits the pavement first?A: Who cares!
Q: How do you get a viola section to play spiccato?A: Write a whole note with “solo” above it.
Q: Why are orchestra intermissions only twenty minutes long?A: So the violists don’t need to be retrained.
Q: What is the definition of a major seventh?A: A violist playing octaves.
Q: How is lightning like a violist’s fingers?A: Neither one strikes in the same place twice.
Q: Which positions does a violist use?A: First, third, and emergency.
Q: Why are violas so large?A: It is an optical illusion. It’s not that the violas are large, just that the viola player’s heads are so small.
Q: What do you call the folks who hang around the musicians at conservatories?A: Violists.
Q: What is the difference between a dog and a viola?A: The dog knows when to stop scratching.
