Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years.The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking over […]
The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, “You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly.”On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, “Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?””Yes,” the boy’s mother answered.”And how is your son now?” the psychiatrist asked.”Who cares?” the mother replied.
After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the rescuer’s file and called him into his office.”Mr. Haroldson, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you’re ready to go home. I’m only sorry […]
How many Obsessive-Compulsive P.D. does to take to change a lightbulb?Just one. But he has to check it 100 times, one for each watt.
How many Passive Aggressive P.D. does to take to change a lightbulb?Oops.I can’t believe I broke the last one. I guess you’ll have to sit in the dark.
“Great news, Mr. Oscarson,” the psychiatrist reported. “After eighteen months of therapy, I can pronounce you finally and completely cured of your kleptomania. You’ll never be trapped by the desire to steal again.””Gee, that’s great, Doc,” the patient replied.”And just to prove it, I want you to stop by Sears on the way home and […]
Patient: Doctor, I get the feeling that people don’t give a hoot about anything I say. Psychiatrist: So?
Three patients at a psychiatric clinic are up for release. The shrink informs them that they will have to pass a simple test. Asking the first patient: Q. How much is two plus two? A: Blue. At which the kind doctor calls in the orderly to escort the patient back to his room. Turning to […]
How many Borderline P.D. does to take to change a lightbulb?Just one. To threaten suicide if you don’t change it for him/her.
The head doctors in an insane asylum had a meeting and decided that one of their patients was potentially well. So they decide to test him and take him to the movies. When they get to the movie theater, there are signs of wet paint pointing to the benches. The doctors just sit down, but […]
When they arrived at the therapist’s office, the therapist jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion. “What seems to be the problem?” Immediately, the husband held his long face down without anything to say. On the other hand, the wife began talking 90 miles and hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage. […]
Patient: I’m really depressed. Therapist: I see. Yes. You are depressed. Patient: Nothing is going well. Therapist: Nothing well. Patient: I feel like killing myself. T: You’re thinking of killing yourself. P: Yes, I’m going to do it NOW. T: You want to do it now. P: [Jumps out window.] T: Woosh. Splat.
