A woman was being questioned in a court trial involving slander. “Please repeat the slanderous statements you heard, exactly as you heard them,” instructed the lawyer.The witness hesitated. “But they are unfit for any respectable person to hear,” she protested.”Then,” said the attorney, “just whisper them to the judge.”
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing atthe counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with heartsall over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all overthem.His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding […]
An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer. “I want to become a lawyer. How much is it or the express degree you told me about?””It’s $50,000,” the lawyer said. “But why? You’ll be dead soon, why do you want to become a lawyer?””That’s my business! Get me […]
A man walks into a friend and sees that his friend’s caris total loss and covered with leaves, grass, branches,dirt and blood. He asks his friend,”What’s happened to your car?””Well,” the friend responses, “I ran into a lawyer”.”OK,” says the man, “that explains the blood… But what about the leaves, the grass, the branches and […]
A tough case was being argued in court. The defense attorney,feeling that he was in trouble, sent the judge a bottle ofhundred-year old brandy. The defendant was fit to be tied.”The judge’ll kill me. Trying to bribe him! We’re dead!””I don’t think so,” his attorney told him. “I sent it in the other lawyer’s name!”
“You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man ofyour background,” sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand. “If I wasn’t under oath, I’d return the compliment,” replied the witness.
A person is in the hospital and asked his doctor how much time does he have left to live. The doctor did not want to lie so he told him that he wouldn’t make it through the night. So the person calls for his lawyer and asks him to come and sit by his bed. […]
A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlightsbroken and considerable damage. There’s no sign of theoffending vehicle but he’s relieved to see that there’s anote stuck under the windshield wiper.”Sorry. I just backed into your Beemer. The witnesses who sawthe accident are nodding and smiling at me because they thinkI’m leaving my […]
The first lawyer questioning a panel of prospective jurors began right off as an intimidating showman. When he came to his question, “Do any of you here today dislike lawyers?” they stiffened and hesitated.Before the pause became too long, the judge announced, “I do.”
A local United Way office realized that it had neverreceived a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The personin charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.”Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000,you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like to give back to […]
