Why is it that New Jersey got all the toxic waste dumps and California got all the lawyers?New Jersey had first choice.
First person: Do you know how to save five lawyers who are drowning?Second person: No.First person: Good!
Have you seen the current remake of the movie “Cape Fear”? It’s about a deranged psychotic who is seeking revenge against a lawyer. The question is, while watching the movie, whom do you root for?
How many lawyers does it take to grease a combine?Only one if you run him through slowly!
If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
A woman was being questioned in a court trial involving slander. “Please repeat the slanderous statements you heard, exactly as you heard them,” instructed the lawyer.The witness hesitated. “But they are unfit for any respectable person to hear,” she protested.”Then,” said the attorney, “just whisper them to the judge.”
A persistent job-seeker once appeared before President Lincoln and demanded an appointment to a judgeship. He was informed that there were no vacancies. The next day, while walking along the river, he saw a drowned man being pulled out, and recognized him as a federal judge.He ran back to the White House and demanded the […]
“Excuse me,” a young fellow said to an older librarian, “I’ve just moved here and I wonder if this town has any criminal lawyers.””Well,” replied the librarian, “I have lived here all my life and all I can tell you is we are pretty sure we do, but no one has been able to prove […]
A convicted con man was recently found to be impersonating a lawyer in New York City. To which one judge remarked, “I should have suspected he wasn’t a lawyer. He was always so punctual and polite.”
Changing lawyers is like moving to a different deck chair on the Titantic.
