The Judge asked the defendant, “Mr. Jones ,do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?””I do.””Now what do you say to defend yourself?””Your Honor, under those limitations… nothing.”

The judge said to his dentist: “Pull my tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.”

Judge: “Is it true that you owe your neighbor a thousand dollars?”Defendant: “Yes, it’s true.”Judge: “Then, why don’t you just pay him back?”Defendant: “Because it wouldn’t be true anymore.”

People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either being made.

Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers. “So,” he said, “I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe.” Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. “You, attorney Leon, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me $10,000.”The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed […]

A red-faced judge convened court after a long lunch. The first case involved a man charged with drunk driving who claimed it simply wasn’t true.”I’m as sober as you are, your honor,” the man claimed. The judge replied, “Clerk, please enter a guilty plea. The defendant is sentenced to 30 days.”

The Judge admonished the witness, “Do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth?””I do.””Do you understand what will happen if you are not truthful?””Sure,” said the witness. “My side will win.”

The cross eyed judge looked at the three defendants in the dock and said to the first one, “So how do you plead?””Not guilty” said the second defendant.”I wasn’t talking to you” the judge replied.”I never said a word” the third defendant replied.

The defendant stood up in the dock and said to the judge, “I dont recognize this court!””Why?” asked the Judge.”Because you’ve had it decorated since the last time I was here.”