Did you hear about the dumb father who returned from lunch and saw a sign on his door, “Back in 30 minutes,” so he sat down to wait for himself?

Did you hear about the Iranian terrorist who switched off the fans of his stolen helicopter because he couldn’t stand the draft?

The Albanian planted lightbulbs in his garden. He heard that tulips grew from bulbs.

Why are Canadians given only a half hour for lunch? They don’t want to have to retrain them.

Did you hear about the guy from Newfoundland who was twenty-two years old before he knew which part of the olive to throw away?

And then there was the Newfie who was found dead in his jail cell with twelve bumps on his head. He’d tried to hang himself with a rubber band.

Chaffee could talk on any subject whether he knew anything about it or not. Mostly he didn’t. One day his neighbor Nibley could stand no more. “Do you realize,” asked Nibley, “that you and I know all there is to be known?” “Do you really think so?” said Chaffee. “How do you figure that?” “Easy,” […]

What has eight legs and an IQ of forty? Four guys watching a baseball game.

Young Bradley arrived at his date’s house wearing a shirt that had water dripping from it. “What’re you doin’?” asked his girlfriend. “How come your shirt is soakin’ wet?” “Well,” said Bradley, “it said on the label: WASH AND WEAR.”

Calvin went to Pearson’s Pet Shop to complain that his canary wouldn’t sing. “File the beak just a little,” said the owner, “and the bird will sing. But if you file it too much, the canary will die.” Two weeks later Pearson ran into Calvin on the street and asked about his canary. “He died,” […]

Guidry called in Plotke, the painter, for an estimate to paint his house. “How much you gonna charge me?” asked Guidry. “Twenty dollars an hour,” replied Plotke. “Good Lord!” exclaimed the home owner. “I wouldn’t pay Michelangelo that price!” “I tell you one thing, mister,” said the painter. “If that guy you mentioned is doin’ […]

Delmer: How’d you like the play last night over at the high school? Parley: I only seed the first act, but not the second. Delmer: Why didn’t you stay? Parley: I couldn’t wait that long. It said on the program, ‘Two Years Later.’