Kowalski and Janzek left Hamtramack and went out in the woods looking for Christmas trees. They looked all day without any luck. Near nightfall Kowalski finally said, “Janzek, I’m takin’ the next tree we come to, whether it has lights on it or not!”
Did you hear about the hillbilly who asked his friends to give him their burnt-out light bulbs. He wanted to start a dark room.
Did you hear about the Baton Rouge bride who cancelled the wedding when she heard her friends were planning to give her a shower?
Did you hear about the Georgia accountant who absconded with all the accounts payable?
Did you hear about the Omaha mother who got tired of putting name tags on her son’s shirts, so she had his name legally changed to “Machine Washable”?
Why can’t the Philippines field an ice hockey team? The players all drowned in spring training.
How do Filipinos count money? One-a, two-a, three-a, four-a, another-a …
Did you hear about the Irishman who tried to swim the English channel? Halfway across he decided he couldn’t make it so he swam back.
Doctor: That deafness cure help your brother? Archie: Sure did! He hadn’t heard a sound in years, and the very day after he took that medicine, he heard from America!
“What did Shawn like most about his trip to Paris?” “He said it was lovely to hear the French pheasants singing the Mayonnaise.”
Why does the Philippines ban rectal thermometers? They cause too much brain damage.
