One idiot said to the other, “You know, there are really only three kinds of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can’t.

There were two guys working for the city. One would dig a hole — he would dig, dig, dig.The other would come behind him and fill the hole — fill, fill, fill. These two men worked furiously; one digging a hole, the other filling it up again.A man was watching from the sidewalk and couldn’t […]

An idiot decided to start a chicken farm, so he bought a hundred chickens to start. A month later, he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens because all of the first lot had died. A month later he was back at the dealers for another hundred chickens for the second lot had also […]

Q: Did you hear about the 25 Irish people that drowned? A: They were riverdancing.

Q: Have you heard about the Irish abortion clinic? A: There’s a 12-month waiting list.

Two newfies walked into a pet store. The first says “I want four budgies.” Salesman-certainly sir, would you like two male and two female or all male or all female? Newfie-I don’t care. I just want 4 budgies! Salesman-certainly sir, what color would you like? We have yellow, blue, gr… Newfie – I don’t care […]

QUESTION: Why does the town idiot take his bedroom door off the hinges and put it to the sid every night when he goes to sleep? ANSWER: Because he’s afraid someone would look through the keyhole.

What did the idiot do to the flea in his ear? Shot it!

A 9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia received a one-day suspension under his elementary school’s drug policy last week – for Certs! Joey Hoeffer allegedly told a classmate that the mints would make him “jump higher.”

A student in Belle, West Virginia was suspended for three days for giving a classmate a cough drop. School principal Forest Mann reiterated the school’s “zero-tolerance” policy…not to be confused with the “zero-intelligence” policy.

Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a blaze that destroyed a $127,000 home last month – a short in the homeowner’s newly installed fire prevention alarm system. “This is even worse than last year,” said the distraught homeowner, “when someone broke in and stole my new security system…”

After interviewing a particularly short-spoken job candidate, I described the person to my boss as rather monosyllabic. My boss said, “Really? Where is Monosyllabia?”. Thinking that he was just kidding, I played along and said that it was just south of Elbonia. He replied, “Oh, you mean over by Croatia?”