A woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police. The officer looked at the guy’s photograph, questioned her, and then asked if she wanted to give her husband any message if they found him.”Yes, please” she replied. “Tell him Mother didn’t come after all.”
A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in loveand going to get married. He says, “Just for fun, Ma, I’m goingto bring over three women and you try and guess which one I’mgoing to marry.”The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful womeninto the house and sits them down on […]
The young wife was in tears when she opened the door for her husband. “I’ve been insulted,” she sobbed. “Your mother insulted me.” “My mother!” he exclaimed. “But she is a hundred miles away.” “I know, but a letter came for you this morning and I opened it.” He looked stern, “I see, but where […]
What is the difference between a English actuary and a Sicilian actuary?An English actuary can tell you how many people are going to die next year. A Sicilian actuary can give you their names…
Did you hear about the fire in the rednecks library? Both the books got burned, and one hadn’t even been coloured in yet.
How do you cook vegatables in the microwave ? Take them out their wheelchair.
I used to not get on with my mother-in-law, but over the last few months I’ve developed quite an attachment for her.It goes over her head and a strap comes down under her chin to keep her mouth shut!
One day a wife complained, “This wall clock almost killed my mother today.It fell only seconds after she got up from the couch.”The husband grunted and replied, “The darn clock always was slow.”
Mother-in-law: I baked two kinds of cookies today. Would you like to takeyour pick?Son-in-law: No thanks. I’ll just use the hammer.
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else […]
Steve, Bob and Jeff are all working on some very high scaffolding. Suddenly, Steve falls off and is killed instantly. After the ambulance leaves with Steve’s body, Bob and Jeff realise they’ll have to inform his wife. Bob says he’s good with this sort of sensitive stuff, so he volunteers to do it. After two […]
