An accountant dies and goes to Heaven. He is met by St Peter who goes through the usual questionnaire. “What sort of accountant are you?” says St Peter”Public Practitioner,” is the reply.”Name?”He gives his name. St Peter goes through some files and pulls one out.”Oh, yes. We’ve been expecting you. You’ve reached your allotted span,” […]
In Heaven:The cooks are French,The policemen are English,The mechanics are German,The lovers are Italian,The bankers are Swiss.In Hell:The cooks are English,The policemen are German,The mechanics are French,The lovers are Swiss,The bankers are Italian.
A Director arrives below and is met by Satan who shows him around. Turns out that Hell is a gigantic movie studio with the latest and best equipment, stages, great actors, etc. Director thinks its great and asks Satan what heaven is like if hell is this good. Satan says heaven is exactly like this, […]
Morty the producer dies and goes to purgatory. The agent behind the counter says “So Morty, what’s it gonna be Heaven or Hell?” Morty asks, “What’s the difference?” Sid says “Take a look at the monitor over here.” Morty goes to the monitor and sees scenes of heaven where people are quietly floating on clouds […]
A cat and a mouse died on the same day and went up to Heaven. At the top they met God and he asked them ‘How do you like it so far?’ The mouse replied ‘It’s great, but can I get a pair of roller skates?’ God said ‘Sure’, and he gave him a pair […]
Three men die and go to heaven and queue to meet St. Peter.St. Peter: Hi, what’s your name?Paul: My name is Paul.St. Peter: Hi, Paul. Tell me, when you died, how much were you earning?Paul: 120K.St. Peter: Wow! Tell me, Paul, what were you doing to earn that kind of money?Paul: I was a lawyer.St. […]
This 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years mainly due to her interest in health food, and exercise.When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion which was decked out with a […]
St Peter is standing at heaven’s gate when a man walks up.”Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?””I was a policeman,” he responded.”What kind of policeman?” St Peter asked.”I was a vice officer. I kept dangerous narcotics out of the hands of kids.””Wonderful my son, welcome to heaven. Pass through […]
A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them. ‘Come with me’, said St. Peter to the taxi driver. The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion. It had anything you could imagine from a […]
So this trumpet player dies. When he reaches is everlasting reward, the guy in the robe says, “You’re going to spend eternity with this combo, okay? There’s a bass player named ‘Mingus’ and a pianist named ‘Monk’, and any day now we expect this ‘Blakey’ guy to show up with his drums.”Wow!” the guy says, […]
One day at the entrance to heaven, St. Peter saw a New York street gang.walk up to the Pearly Gates. This being a first, St. Peter ran to God and said, “God,there are some evil, thieving New Yorkers at the Pearly Gates. What do I do?”.God replied, “Just do what you normally do with that […]
A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, “Religion?”The man says, “Methodist.”St. Peter looks down his list, and says, “Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8.”Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. “Religion?””Baptist.””Go to room 18, but be very quiet as you pass room 8.”A […]
