What do you call the queue of Software Engineers standing outside Heaven ? The Y2K deadline !

A doctor, an engineer, and a fungal taxonomist arrived at The Pearly Gates.The doctor said how he’d healed the sick, helped the lame; but he was a sinner and was sent to Hell.The engineer told how he’d built homes for the homeless, etc.; but he messed up the environment, so he was sent to Hell.The […]

Q. Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?A. Because if they all went, it would be Hell.

A cattleman from West Texas died & went on to the Great Beyond. As he approached the great gate, he noticed that the terrain was bare with no greenery. He remarked to the gate keeper, “Howdy Saint Peter. Say, this looks just like Texas.””The gatekeeper replied, “First of all, I’m not Saint Peter and second, […]

Jay: Does the Bible say that if you smoke you can’t get toheaven?Ted: No, but the more you smoke the quicker you’ll get there.

Why did the angel lose her job? She had harp failure.

How do angels greet each other? They say, Halo.

An angel in heaven was welcoming a new arrival. “How did you get here?” he asked. And the new angel replied, “Flu…”

A famous professor of surgery died and went to heaven. At the pearly gate he was asked by the gatekeeper: ‘Have you ever committed a sin you truly regret?’ ‘Yes,’ the professor ansvered. ‘When I was a young candidate at the hospital of Saint Lucas, we played soccer against at team from the Community Hospital, […]

St. Peter and Satan were having an argument one day about baseball. Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral grounds between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys. “Very well,” said the gatekeeper of Heaven. “But you realize, I hope, that we’ve got all the good players and […]

A Director arrives below and is met by Satan who shows him around. Turns out that Hell is a gigantic movie studio with the latest and best equipment, stages, great actors, etc. Director thinks its great and asks Satan what heaven is like if hell is this good. Satan says heaven is exactly like this, […]

Morty the producer dies and goes to purgatory. The agent behind the counter says “So Morty, what’s it gonna be Heaven or Hell?” Morty asks, “What’s the difference?” Sid says “Take a look at the monitor over here.” Morty goes to the monitor and sees scenes of heaven where people are quietly floating on clouds […]