Why don’t ghosts make good magicians. You can see right through their tricks.

What sort of violin does a ghost play? A dreadivarius.

Which day of the week do ghosts like best? Moandays.

Why were the ghosts wet and tired? They had just dread-ged the lake.

What do you call a ghost who’s always sleeping? Lazy bones.

Who said “Shiver me timbers!” on the ghost ship? The skeleton crew.

What do young ghosts write their homework in? Exorcise books.

A butler came running into his important master’s office. “Sir, sir, there’s a ghost in the corridor. What shall I do with him?” Without looking up from his work the master said, “Tell him I can’t see him.”

Ghost: Are you coming to my party? Spook: Where is it? Ghost: In the morgue – you know what they say, the morgue the merrier.

Which ghost ate too much porridge? Ghouldilocks.

Did you hear about the sick ghost? He had oooooo-ping cough.

A man was staying in a big old house and in the middle of the night he met a ghost. The ghost said, “I have been walking these corridors for 300 years.” The man said, “in that case, can you tell me the way to the toilet?”