My brother’s on a seafood diet. Really? Yes, the more he sees food the more he eats.
A tourist walked into a fish and chip shop in Ireland. “I’ll have fish and chips twice,” he orders. “Sure, I heard you the first time,” came the reply.
Teacher: If you saw me standing by a witch, what fruit would it remind you of? Pupil: A pear.
First boy: She had a beautiful pair of eyes, her skin had the glow of a peach, her cheeks were like apples and her lips like cherries – that’s my girl. Second boy: Sounds like a fruit salad to me.
Why did the teacher have her hair in a bun? Because she had her nose in a hamburger.
What happens if you play tabletennis with a bad egg? First it goes ping, then it goes pong.
At a party, a conjurer was producing egg after egg from a little boy’s ear. “There!” he said proudly. “I bet your Mum can’t produce eggs without hens, can she?” “Oh yes, she can,” said the boy. “She keeps ducks.”
Jimmy, how many more times must I tell you to come away from that cookie tin? No more, mom. It’s empty.
What’s the difference between a vampire and a cookie? You can’t dip a vampire in your tea.
Three cookies were crossing the road when the first one was knocked down. What did the third cookie say as he reached the pavement in safety? Crumbs!
How does a witch make scrambled eggs? She holds the pan and gets two friends to make the stove shake with fright.
