My brother’s on a seafood diet. Really? Yes, the more he sees food the more he eats.
A tourist walked into a fish and chip shop in Ireland. “I’ll have fish and chips twice,” he orders. “Sure, I heard you the first time,” came the reply.
Teacher: If you saw me standing by a witch, what fruit would it remind you of? Pupil: A pear.
First boy: She had a beautiful pair of eyes, her skin had the glow of a peach, her cheeks were like apples and her lips like cherries – that’s my girl. Second boy: Sounds like a fruit salad to me.
Why did the teacher have her hair in a bun? Because she had her nose in a hamburger.
What happens if you play tabletennis with a bad egg? First it goes ping, then it goes pong.
At a party, a conjurer was producing egg after egg from a little boy’s ear. “There!” he said proudly. “I bet your Mum can’t produce eggs without hens, can she?” “Oh yes, she can,” said the boy. “She keeps ducks.”
I went to see my doctor to see if he could help me give up smoking. What did he say? He suggested that every time I felt like a smoke I should reach for a bar of chocolate. Did that do any good? No – I can’t get the chocolate to light.
Boy: What’s black, slimy, with hairy legs and eyes on stalks? Mom: Eat the cookies and don’t worry about what’s in the tin.
An irate woman burst into the baker’s shop and said, “I sent my son in for two pounds of cookies this morning but when I weighed them there was only one pound. I suggest you check your scales.” The baker looked at her calmly for a moment or two and then replied, “Ma’am, I suggest […]
Jimmy, how many more times must I tell you to come away from that cookie tin? No more, mom. It’s empty.
