Where do you go to meet the best fish? It doesn’t matter – any old plaice will do.

How do you tune a fish?With its scales!

What do you get if you cross a trout with an apartment ? A flat fish !

What’s the best way to catch a fish? Have someone throw it at you.

How did the fish’s tail get stuck in the anchor chain?It was just a fluke!

Why are fish no good at tennis?They don’t like to get too close to the net!

What do you call a man with a large flatfish on his head? Ray!

How do you post a fish? You send it COD … or first bass mail

What do you call a big fish who makes you an offer you can’t refuse ? The Codfather !

What’s a sea serpent’s favourite meal?Fish and ships!

Why are fish so gullible?They fall for things hook, line and sinker!

How do you communicate with a fish?You drop it a line!