Patient (to cosmetic surgeon): Will it hurt me, doctor?Surgeon: Only when you get my bill, Mrs Brown.
A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands.”Doctor,” says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands. “Will I be able to play the piano when these bandages come off?””I don’t see why not,” replies the […]
Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and song, will I live longer?Doctor: Not really. It will just seem longer.
A man, seeking to lose some of his excess weight, visited the local doctor.John: How can I lose twelve pounds of ugly fat?Doctor: Of course! Cut your head off.
Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I’m under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.Doctor: Tell me about your problem.Patient: I just did, didn’t I, you stupid fool!!
“Doctor, are you sure I’m suffering from pneumonia? I’ve heared once about a doctor treating someone with pneumonia and finally he died of typhus.””Don’t worry, it won’t happen to me. If I treat someone with pneumonia he will die of pneumonia.”
Patient: Doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow.Doctor: How do you feel?Patient: A little down in the mouth.
Patient: Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up five more points?Doctor: Sell!
A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain.”Where are you hurting?” asked the doctor.”You have to help me, I hurt all over”, said the woman.”What do you mean, all over?” asked the doctor, “be a little more specific.”The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, “Ow, that hurts.” Then […]
Doctor, Doctor I think I’m a python You can’t get round me just like that you know!
The Doctor was puzzled “I’m very sorry but I can’t diagnose your trouble, Mahoney. I think it must be drink. “”Don’t worry about it Dr. Kelley, I’ll come back when you’re sober.”
Patient: I’m in a hospital! Why am I in here?Doctor: You’ve had an accident involving a bus.Patient: What happened?Doctor: Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?Patient: Give me the bad news first.Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of […]
