A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minuteslater, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard from the bathroom. A few minutesafter that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar. The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming. “What’s all thescreaming about in there? […]
A retired four-star general ran into his former orderly, also retired, in aManhattan bar and spent the rest of the evening persuading him to come work forhim as his valet. “Your duties will be exactly the same as they were in thearmy,” the general said. “Nothing to it – you’ll catch on again fast.”Next morning […]
A guy is strolling along a sandy beach one day when he comes acrossa very old bottle. He’s just dusting it off when two rather tired lookinggenies pop out “Two genies!” he exclaims. “That must mean six wishes!””Sorry, buddy, it’s three or nuthin’,” say the genies, “and hurry up”.The guy makes his three wishes and […]
A wife went in to see a therapist and said, “I’ve got a bigproblem, doctor.””Every time we’re in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets outthis earsplitting yell.” “My dear,” the doctor said, “that’s completelynatural.I don’t see what the problem is.””The problem is,” she complained, “it wakes me up!”
Al Gore and the Clintons are flying on Air Force One. Bill looks atAl, chuckles and says, “You know, I could throw a $100.00 billout the window right now and make one person very happy.”Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, “Well, I couldthrow ten $10.00 bills out the window and make 10 people very […]
Scott finally got his girlfriend into bed, and things were going hot and heavy.”Slow down, baby,” she said. “Foreplay is an art.””You better get your canvas ready soon,” he panted, “because I’m about to spillmy paint!”
A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands directly nextto the barber chair, while her dad gets his haircut, eating her snack cake. Thebarber says to her, “Sweetheart, you’re gonna get hair on your Twinkie.”She says, “I know. I’m gonna get boobs too.”
A man and woman are riding up in an elevator.The man looks at the woman and says, “Can I smell your pussy?”She replies, “Hell no!”The man says, “Well, it must be your feet then.”
Two elderly gentlemen, Sam and Harry, were having breakfast. Sam said to Harry,”Harry, why do you have a suppository in your ear?”Harry took the suppository out, looked it over and said, “Sam, I’m really gladyou saw this thing, now I think I know where my hearing aid is.”
“Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stopdrinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught mehow to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, evenhow to invest in the stock market.””Sounds like you may be bitter because she […]
Saint Peter was manning the Pearly Gates when forty people from NewYork City showed up. Never having seen anyone from the Big Apple atheaven’s door, Saint Peter said he would have to check with God.After hearing the news, God instructed him to admit the ten mostvirtuous people from the group. A few minutes later, Saint […]
Little Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of hisregular teacher.She says, “Hello class, I’m Mrs. Prussy. When you say my name class remember ithas an “r” after the first letter.”The entire class says, “Hello Mrs. Prussy.”A few days later the regular teacher is still sick when Little Johnny gets […]
