Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful, provided you get between the right man and the right woman.

Why are condoms like cameras? -they both capture the moment.

Why is sex like a game of bridge? -You don’t need a partner if you have a good hand.

Wife: “Why don’t you ever callout my name when we’re making love?” ! Husband: “Because I don’t want to wake you.”

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.

If it weren’t for pick-pocketers, I’d have no sex life at all.

You know the worst thing about oral sex? The view.

I love the lines men use to get us into bed. “Please, I’ll only put it in for a minute.” What am I, a microwave?

Q: Whats the difference between purple and pink?A: The grip.

Q: Why do women have tits?A: So men will talk to them.

Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning? A: They don’t have balls to scratch.

Q: What does a 75-year-old woman have between her breasts that a 25-year-old doesn’t? A: Her navel.