Where do ghosts go for their holidays? The Dead Sea.

What do you find in a zombie’s veins? Dead blood corpuscles.

What’s a zombie’s favorite pop song? Dead sails in the sunset.

What has four legs, a tail, whiskers and flies? A dead cat.

What do you call a man who has been dead and buried for thousands of years? Pete.

What is the difference between a musician and a dead body? One composes and the other decomposes.

What lies on the ground 100 feet up in the air and smells? A dead centipede.

“Do you believe in life after death?” the boss asked one of his employees.”Yes, Sir,” the new employee replied. “Well, then, that makes everything just fine,” the boss went on. “After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother’s funeral, she stopped in to see you.”

A woman goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is published. Afterthe editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50cents a word, she pauses, reflects and then says, “Well, then,let it read ‘Fred Brown died’.”Confounded at the woman’s thrift, the editor stammers that […]

A Packer fan was enjoying himself at the game in a packed Lambeau Field,until he noticed an empty seat down in front. He went down and asked theguy next to it if he knew whose seat it was. The guy said, “Yes, that’smy wife’s seat. We have never missed a game since the Lombardi days, […]

A woman goes into a funeral home to make arrangements for herhusband’s funeral. She tells the director that she wants her husbandto be buried in a dark blue suit.He asks, “Wouldn’t it just be easier to bury him in the black suitthat he’s wearing?”But she insists that it must be a blue suit and gives […]

Sam was on his death bed, and his wife and children were gatheredaround him. Suddenly the aroma of chopped liver filled the room.Sam perked up a bit and said to his wife, “That’s it, one last timebefore I die I must have some of your delicious chopped liver.”Sam’s wife looked at him sadly and said, […]