What diploma do criminals get?The third degree.

If you crossed a gangster and a garbage man, what would you have?Organised grime (crime).

Who is the strongest thief?A shoplifter.

What kind of thief steals meat?A hamburglar.

What hired killer never goes to jail?The exterminator.

What did the burglar say to the lady who caught him stealing her silver? I’m at your service, ma’am.

How do bank robbers send messages?By flee mail!

‘It’s a pity you’ve gone on hunger strike,’ said the convict’s girlfriend on visiting day. ‘Why ?’ ‘I’ve put a file in your cake.’

A boy is in a prison cell with no windows and no doors: there are no holes in the ceiling or trapdoors in the floor, yet in the morning the jailers find him gone. How did he get out ?Through the doorway – there were no doors remember !

Detective: Why did you dump those vegetables on my desk?Criminal: You said it was time to spill the beans.

Policeman: Did you know your vehicle was reported stolen?Criminal: It wasn’t when I took it.

Detective: How did you get into counterfeiting?Criminal: I answered an ad that said, “Make money at home.”