Yeltsin, Clinton and Bill Gates were invited to have dinner with God. During dinner he told them: I need three important people to send my message out to all the people: “Tomorrow I will destroy the earth.”Yeltsin immediately called together his cabinet and told them: “I have two really bad news items for you:1) God […]

An exasperated caller to Tech Support couldn’t get her new computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response “I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens.” The “foot pedal” turned out to be the computer’s […]

After a caller gave a technician her PC’s serial number, he scanned a database of registered users and responded, “I see you have an Aptiva” desktop unit. Before he could say another word, the caller shrieked and said she’d be right back. When the customer returned, the technician asked if she was all right. The […]

What is an astronaut’s favorite key on a computer keyboard?The space bar.

The programmer to his son: “Here, I brought you a new basketball.””Thank you, daddy, but where is the user’s guide?”

Mum, Mum, Dad’s broken my computer!How did he do that?I dropped it on his head.

When do computers go to sleep?When it’s internight.

Q. How does Bill Gates enter his house?A. He uses “windows”.

Webster’s Dictionary definition of Windows 95Windows95: n. 32 bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16 bit patch to an 8 bit operating system originally coded for a 4 bit microprocessor, written by a 2 bit company, that can’t stand 1 bit of competition.

Customer: “I’m running Windows ’95.” Tech: “Yes.” Customer: “My computer isn’t working now.” Tech: “Yes, you said that.”

Q: How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None, that’s a hardware problem.

Another customer called Tech Support to say her brand-new computer wouldn’t work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked “What power switch?”