A driver, obviously drunk, was heading the wrong way downa one-way street when a policeman pulled him over. “Didn’tyou see the arrow, buddy?” he asked.”An arrow?” the confused driver said. “I didn’t even see theIndians
a quadruple amputee is waiting at the bus stop.The bus pulls up.Driver says”alright John, how you getting on today?”
A Lutheran minister is driving down to New York to see the radio show and he’s stopped in Connecticut for speeding. The state trooper smells alcohol on his breath and then he sees an empty wine bottle on the floor, and he says, “Sir, have you been drinking?”And the minister says, “Just water.”The sheriff says, […]
A tourist is picked up by a cabbie in New York on a dark night. The passenger taps the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screams, loses control of the car, nearly hits a bus, drives up on the sidewalk, and stops inches from a shop window. For a second everything […]
Peter Ludwig, a caver from Austria who is appalled by American drivinghabits, offers the following advice:The probability of being involved in a traffic accident is directlyproportional to time spent on the road. Driving fast decreases one’sexposure.One third of traffic accidents are caused by drunk drivers; two thirdsare caused by non-drunk drivers.Therefore, the safest way to […]
One day, two guys were driving to a local grocery store to get some food. On the way to the store they ran into an intersection with a stoplight. The light showed red.The man driving went right through the red light. The passenger looked at the driver and screamed, “What the heck are you doing? […]
Ole and Lena were sitting down to their usual morning cup of coffee, listening to the weather report coming over the radio.”There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared,” the weather report said. “You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets.”Ole […]
A man walks into an auto parts store and says “I’d like a rear view mirror for my Yugo.”The man behind the counter thinks about this for a while, then says “Yup, seems like a fair trade to me.”
Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border.The Italian customer agent stops them and tells them: “Itsa illegal to putta fiva people ina Quattro.””What do you mean it’s illegal?” asked the Englishmen.”Quattro means four,” replies the Italian official.”Quattro is just the name of the automobile,” the Englishmen says disbelievingly. “Look at the […]
Andy wants a job as a signalman on the railways. He is told to meet the inspector at the signal box. The inspector puts this question to him: “What would you do if you realised that two trains were heading for each other on the same track?”Andy says, “I would switch the points for one […]
In a very small alley two trucks driving in opposite directions meet.As the drivers are equally stubborn, neither of them wants to reverse.They angrily look one at the other.Finally, one of them picks up a newspaper and starts reading.The other one politely asks, “When you’ve finished the paper, will you please bring it over, and […]
After seeing a documentary on how inner city youths can removethe wheels of cars in under 4 seconds with no specialistequipment, the McLaren team decided to fire their pit crew andhire four of the youths as most races can be won or lost in thepit lane.The first race came along and the car came into […]
