After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks, andinsane regulations at the department of motor vehicles, I stopped at atoy store to pick up a gift for my son. I brought my selection – a baseball bat – to the cash register. “Cash or charge?” the clerk asked.”Cash,” I snapped. Then, apologizing for […]
One day a guy was driving with his 4-year-old daughterand beeped his car horn by mistake.She turned and looked at him for an explanation.He said, “I did that by accident.”She replied, “I know that, daddy.”He replied, “How’d you know?”The girl said, “Because you didn’t say ‘ASSHOLE!’ afterwards!”
A fellow was following a truck in heavy traffic. Every block or so, when they were stopped at a stop light, the driver of the truck would jump out of the cab with a big stick and bang on the side of the cargo bay. He’d then jump back into the cab in time to […]
Two cab drivers met.”Hey,” asked one, “what’s the idea of painting one side of your cab red and the other side blue?””Well,” the other responded, “when I get into an accident, you should see how all the witnesses contradict each other.”
A driver pulled up beside a rundown farmhouse. He got out and knocked at the door. A very old woman answered the door, and he asked her for directions to Des Moines.”Don’t know,” the woman said.He got back in his car and pulled away. Then he heard voices. He looked in his rearview mirror and […]
WIFE: “There’s trouble with the car. It has water in the carburettor.”HUSBAND: “Water in the carburettor? That’s ridiculous.”WIFE: “I tell you the car has water in the carburettor.”HUSBAND: “You don’t even know what a carburettor is. I’ll check it out.Where’s the car?”WIFE: “In the pool.”
A man is driving down the road for a long period of time. During his travel, he sees a priest with a gas can hitch hiking, so he gladly picks him up he says,”Normally father, i dont pick up hitchhikers. You seem like a man of dignity so i thought id make an exception.In fact […]
A young bloke has started work on a property, and the boss sends him up the back paddocks to do some fencing work, but come evening he’s half an hour late. The boss gets on the CB radio to check if he’s all right.”I’ve got a problem, Boss. I’m stuck ‘ere. I’ve hit a pig!””Ah […]
A state trooper pulled a car over and told the man drivingthat he was going 50 mph in a 40 mph zone.”I was only going 40!” the driver protested.”Not according to my radar,” the trooper said.”Yes, I was!” the man shouted back.”No you weren’t!” the trooper said.With that, the man’s wife leaned toward the window […]
A guy driving a truck in the middle of nowhere picks up a hitch-hiker.It gets dark and the hitch-hiker falls asleep. Suddenly bang, and thehitch-hiker wakes up,”what the hell was that?”. The truck driverreplies, “some kinda animal, go back to sleep.”Further the same thing again, bang, “What the hell was that?”,”some kinda animal again.”Further into […]
A man was driving up a steep and narrow mountain road.A woman was driving down the same road. As they passed each other, the woman leaned out thewindow and yelled, “Pig!” The man immediately leaned out his window and replied,”Moron!” They continue on their way and as the man rounded thenext corner, he crashes into […]
