Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn’t do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went […]
An American automobile company and a Japanese auto company decided to have a competitive boat race on the Detroit River. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day, they were as ready as they could be.The Japanese team won by a mile.Afterwards, the American team became discouraged by […]
The Mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections fromall the private businesses that they were ‘protecting’. Feeling the heat from the police force, they decided to use a deafperson for this job. If he were to get caught, he wouldn’t be able tocommunicate to the police what he was doing. Well, […]
This guy is selling three parrots. Another guy who wants to buy a parrot approaches him and asks, “How much are your parrots?”The salesman answers, “The first one is $1,000.” “What does he know?””He knows 10,000 words and 500 sentences and is able to solve mathematical expressions.””How about the second one?””The second parrot costs $5,000.””What […]
Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000. The loan officer was quite taken a back, and requested collateral. “Well, then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce”, the man said. The loan officer […]
This is the story of four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody’s job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody […]
The Ten Commandments Of EmploymentIf it rings, put it on hold.If it clunks, call the repairman.If it whistles, ignore it.If it’s a friend, stop work and chat.If it’s the boss, look busy.If it talks, take notes.If it’s handwritten, type it.if it’s typed, copy it.If it’s copied, file it.If it’s Friday, forget it!
Employer: “In this job we need someone who is responsible.”Applicant: “I’m the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”
When Bernard got fired from his last job they were really tough. They made him hand back his keys to the executive toilets, return his company credit card, give back his company car, and even give back his ulcer!
Another friend of mine is a very successful businessman. He started with five thousand pounds – now he owes fifty-five million.
I’m always delighted when people stick their noses in my business – my company makes paper tissues.
