What have I got in my hands? A double decker bus! You looked!

Do buses and trains run on time? Usually, yes. No, they don’t. Buses run on wheels and trains run on the tracks.

Have you heard that all the buses and trains are stopping today? No. Is there a strike? No, they’re stopping to let the passengers off.

Conductor, this bus was very slow! Oh, I expect we’ll pick up speed now you’re getting off!

Did you say that you fell over fifty feet but didn’t hurt yourself? Yes – I was trying to get to the back of the bus.

Sam left work after a tiring day. ‘Take the bus home,’ suggested a friend. ‘My mother would only make me take it back,’ Sam said.

What do you call a bloke with a bus on his head? Dead.

Passenger: Does this bus go to London? Conductor: No. Passenger: But it says London on the front. Conductor: There’s an advertisement for baked beans on the side, but we don’t sell them!

A man trying to get on an overcrowded bus was pushed off by the people inside. There’s no room,’ they said. ‘It’s full up!’ ‘But you must let me on!’ shouted the man. ‘Why, what’s so special about you?’ they asked. I’m the driver,’ replied the man.

Why did the bus stop? Because it saw the zebra crossing.

As the bus came to the stop, the man at the front of the queue took out his eye, threw it up in the air and caught it before getting on the bus. An amazed conductor said, ‘What on earth did you do that for?’ ‘I wanted to know if there was room on top,’ […]

When you go for a bus ride, do you like sitting upstairs or downstairs? I prefer to ride on top, but it’s very hard getting the horse up the stairs.