Where is everyone beautiful?In the dark.

Fred keeps telling me that he’s going to marry the most beautiful girl in the world. Oh, what a shame! And you’ve been engaged for such a long time!

A witch went into a beauty parlor and asked the assistant how much it would cost to make her look like a film star. “Nothing,” replied the assistant. “Nothing?” she asked, “but how can I look like a film star?” “Haven’t you seen a film called The Creature from the Black Lagoon?” replied the assistant.

A monster went to the doctor with a branch growing out of his head.”Hmmm,” said the doctor. “I’ve no idea what it is.” The next week the branch was covered in leaves and blossom. “I’m stumped,” said the doctor, “but you can try taking these pills.” When the monster came back a month later the […]

I’ve just come back from the beauty parlour. Pity it was closed!

They say Margaret is a raving beauty. You mean she’s escaped from the funny farm?

First witch: My beauty is timeless. Second witch: Yes, it could stop a clock.

Mrs Saggy: Mrs Wrinkly tried to have a facelift last week. Mrs Baggy: Tried to? Mrs Saggy: Yes, they couldn’t find a crane strong enough to lift her face!

First Witch: I went to the beauty parlor yesterday. I was there for three hours. Second Witch: Oh, what did you have done? First witch: Nothing, I was just going in for an estimate.

Who won the Monster Beauty Contest? No one.

She’s so ugly that when a wasp stings her it shuts its eyes.

First girl: I spend hours in front of the mirror admiring my beauty. Do you think that’s vanity? Second girl: No, it’s imagination.