Two men who are out walking their dogs meet on a street corner. One says to the other, “Boy it sure is hot today. I’d really like to go into the bar and get a beer, but the sign on the front door says, “No Pets Allowed,” and I can’t leave Fido alone on the […]

A guy walks into a bar carrying a pair of jumper cables. He sets ’em down on the bar. And then the bartender said “Now dont you start anything!!”

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. ‘Why, of course,’ comes the reply.The first man then asks, ‘Where are you from?”I’m from Ireland,’ replies the second man.The first man responds by saying, ‘You don’t say. I’m from Ireland too. Let’s have […]

Last New Year’s Eve, one woman stood up at the local tavern and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living. It was embarrassing – The bartender was almost crushed to death.

A pirate was talking to a “land-lubber” in a bar. The land-lubber noticed that, like any self-respecting pirate, this guy had a peg leg, a hook in place of one of his hands, and a patch over one eye. The land-lubber just had to find out how the pirate got in such bad shape. He […]

An Indian, a Rabbi, the Pope, an Italian, and an Irishman all walk into a bar together and sit down. The bartender looks at all 5 of them and says, “What is this… some kind of joke?”

“Shhaaayyy, buddy, what’s a ‘Breathalyzer’?” asked one drunk to his friend at the next barstool. “Well, I’d have to say that it’s a bag that tells you when you’ve drunk way too much,” answered the equally wasted gent. “Ah hell, whaddya know? I’ve been married to one of those for years!”

A Skeleton walks into a bar, asks for a beer… and a mop.

A snail goes into a bar and orders a beer. The barman says ‘Sorry we don’t serve snails’ and throws him out. A couple of weeks later the snail goes into the bar again and says… ‘What did you do that for!’

A guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm, puts the dog on the bar and announces that the dog can talk and that he has $100 he’s willing to bet anyone who says he can’t. The bartender quickly takes the bet and the owner looks at the dog and asks, “What’s […]

At the end of the night a man leaves the bar. Outside he sees a nun. He walks over to her and slaps her in the face. Then he punches her in the stomach and knocks her over. He proceeds to kick her several times and when he’s done he bends down to her and […]

Ever hear the expression “hard drinker” ? Never made much senseto me, drinking’s one of the easiest things in the world to do.