WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can’t remember).

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

“Shhaaayyy, buddy, what’s a ‘Breathalyzer’?” asked one drunk to his friend at the next barstool.”Well, I’d have to say that it’s a bag that tells you when you’ve drunk way too much,” answered the equally wasted gent.”Ah hell, whaddya know? I’ve been married to one of those for years!”

A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?””No,” he replies, “I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just […]

Old man O’Malley had worked down at the brewery for years, but one day he just wasn’t paying attention and he tripped on the walkway and fell over into the beer vat and drowned.The foreman thought it should be his job to inform the Widow O’Malley of her old man’s death. He showed up at […]

Recently scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men twelve bottles of beer each. The scientists observed that 100% of the male test group gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, and couldn’t drive.No further testing is planned.

A man walks into a bar and asks for six shots of vodka. The bartender says, “Six shots? What’s wrong?””I found out my older brother is gay,” replied the man.The next night, he walked into the bar again and asked for six shots of vodka. “What now?” asked the bartender.”I found out my younger brother […]

A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and said that his wife had just produced “a typical Texas baby” weighing twenty pounds.Two weeks later he returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, “Aren’t you the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth?””Yup, […]

One day a drunk walked into a bar and ordered a gin and tonic. He drank half of it and poured the rest on the bartender. The bartender got angry, grabbed the drunk by the collar, pulled him close to his face, and asked, “Why did you do that?” The drunk said very apologetically, “I […]

A guy walks into a tavern. As he walked up to the bar he noticed a twelve-inch man playing the piano, so he asked the bartender, “What’s that all about?”The bartender told him he that would tell him later. So the guy asked the bartender for a drink. The bartender said, “Before you get your […]