At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, “We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41.”So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to […]
A mother and her son were flying “Southwest Airlines” from Kansas toChicago. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to hismother and said, “If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats,why don’t big planes have baby planes?” The mother (who couldn’t think ofan answer) told her son to […]
Passengers on a Lufthansa flight heard this announcement from the captain, “Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to inform you that we have lost power to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean.” The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation, but were somewhat comforted by the captain’s next announcement. […]
“Flight 1234, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees..””But Center, we are at 35,000 feet, how much noise can we make up here?””Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 707 makes when it hits a 727?”
USAir recently introduced a special half fare for wives who accompanied their husbands on business trips. Expecting valuable testimonials, the PR department sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who had used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip. Letters are still pouring in asking, “What trip?”
It was a few days before Christmas. The trip went reasonably well, and he was ready to go back home. The airport on the other end had turned a tacky red and green, and loudspeakers blared annoying elevator renditions of cherished Christmas carols. Being someone who took Christmas very seriously, and being slightly tired, he […]
Michael Jackson, Bill Clinton and Nelson Mandela are in an airplane with 20 kids. The airplane gets a failure and is doomed to crash. The plane hasonly 20 parachutes. Nelson Mandela, as a great humanitarian says that children should have them. Bill Clinton gets panicky and shouts, “SCREWTHE CHILDREN!!” Michael Jackson’s face lights up and […]
The German controllers at Frankfurt Airport were often short-tempered. They not only expected you to know your parking location but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground and a British Airways 747 (radio call Speedbird […]
Cessna: “Jones tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel.”Tower: “Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide!! Do you have the airfield in sight?!?!!”Cessna: “Uh…tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where the fuel truck is.”
Pilot: “Jones tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel.”Tower: “Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide!! Do you have the airfield in sight?!?!!”Pilot: “Uh…tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where the fuel truck is.” […]
Flight fifty has a pretty rough time above the ocean. Suddenly a voice comes over the intercom: “Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seat belts and assume crash positions. We have lost our engines and we are trying to put this baby as gentle as possible down on the water”.”Oh stewardess! Are there any sharks […]
How does the captain know the aircraft is safely at the ramp?Both the engines and the co-pilot stop whining.
