“This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I’d like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic.”If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe […]

An employee of USAir with the last name of Gay boarded a USAir flight with a free travel voucher. Soon after he sat down, someone else came and claimed he had the same seat assignment, so Mr. Gay moved down do an empty seat. Soon after that the airplane began to fill up. The rule […]

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy, which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, give a smile, and a “Thanks for flying XYZ airline.” He said that in light of his […]

As the airliner was preparing to land in Madrid in a rainstorm, an English passenger seemed noticeably afraid. “What’s the problem, fellow?” asked his seat mate.”Surely,” said the Englishman, “you’ve heard the saying, ‘The planes in Spain fall mainly in the rains!!’”

Tower: Lufthansa 893, you’re number one, check for workers on the taxiway. Pilot: Roger ….. We’ve checked, they’re all working.

Bill Clinton, Hillary Ramrod Clinton, Al Gore, and Tipper Gore are flying aboard Air Force 1 on their way to visit the Communists to share their success stories about taxing Americans.Bill: “Why don’t I throw this hundred dollar bill out the window and make someone very happy.”Hillary: “Well, why don’t you throw ten hundred dollar […]

During the heat of the space race in the 1960’s, the U.S. National Aeronautics and Space Administration decided it needed a ballpoint pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules. After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of about $1 million U.S. The pen worked […]

A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies.This was his first time approaching a field during the nighttime, and instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said, “Guess who?”The controller switched the field lights off and replied, “Guesswhere!”

While cruising at 40,000 feet, the airplane shuddered and Mr. Benson looked out the window. “Good lord!” he screamed, “one of the engines just blew up!”Other passengers left their seats and came running over; suddenly the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as yet another engine exploded on the other side.The passengers were in […]

Tower: Mission triple-three, do you have problems? Pilot: I think, I have lost my compass.Tower: Judging the way you are flying, you lost the whole instrument panel..

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way.The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind; the […]

Southwest Airlines makes humor a high priority. Here are some actual humorous statements by airline flight crews: “Good morning. As we leave Dallas, it`s warm, the sun is shining, and the birds are singing. We are going to Charlotte, where it`s dark, windy and raining. Why in the world y`all wanna go there I can`t […]